Opening Day!

Archery deer season opens tomorrow at 7:08 am. To say I am excited would be a bit of an understatement. My wife has been joking with me tonight about "playing hunting", like I am some little kid. Actually I kind of feel like that...its kind of Christmas Eve feeling. All the preperation is done, all the stand building and hanging, tree trimming, and countless hours shooting. The start is actually here, almost. Anticipation.

Tonight will be a sleepless night...waiting for the clock to turn to 4:45 am. Then it starts. A quick breakfast, gathering of all the gear, double checking I have everything and then heading to the farm. Gathering with friends and nephews. Figuring out who is going where, remembering past hunts, getting everything together, and heading out into the darkness to a tree that awaits me. Then waiting. Waiting for the woods to come alive and taking it all in. Yeah it would be great to see some deer and maybe even get a shot, but I will be happy just to be out there in the woods taking it all in. My senses are ready...to smell, feel, see, and hear it all. I wish every tomorrow was opening day.

Pure fun

I went to a couple of soccer games today. It was cool to see kids having fun. The first one was with 5/6 year olds and the second was 7/8 year olds. It could have been any sport for these kids, I don't think they would have cared. It was more important to be with their friends. To run, run in big empty places. To chase, kick, jump, and run. To leap, fall, and dive. You've got to come home with grass stains or it just wasn't fun. To hear mom, dad, sisters, and brothers cheering you on. Hoping your Aunt will come. Seeing Grandparents in the stands. High-fives, cheers, lots of laughing...kids having fun.

Under attack

I feel like I have been under attack in about every area of my life lately. Its more than just bad karma. Looking back I can see the hand of evil at play...what a sneaky sucker. He's such a hoser.

Ten steps forward...Thirty steps back

I feel like satan had me right where he wanted me...content, stationary, stagnate. Stagnate waters bread disease, death, and decay. God I don't want to go back to those stagnate waters. I saw a glimpse of the destruction and decay and what it can do to my marriage. I think the harder I pursue God the harder satan digs his talons of destruction into my life. It has been a difficult day, a trip to the ER, and the disappointment I saw in the eyes of my beauty. The trust I lost. Tonight I feel like a pawn on Shoots and Ladders. I feel like I was moving along in my walk with God and my relationship with my wife and then I stepped in a pile of poo and was sent sliding back 30 places.
Tonight I asked God to speak his word into my heart. I opened my Bible to Romans 6, it talks about our old self being crucified with Christ on the cross so that the body of sin may be done away with. That we are no longer slaves to sin because anyone who has died with Christ has been freed from sin.
After reading Romans 6 I read Romans 7 and it pretty much sums up how I feel. So close it is eerie. We know the law is spiritual; but I am unspirtitual, sold as a salve to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that it is in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law;but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in mind am a slave to Gods law but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirt you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of Sonship. And by him we cry Abba, Father. The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are Gods's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
My prayer tonight is that God would continue to speak truth into my heart and let truth pour from my soul.

Weak

Today is definitely a down day for me. I have Crohn's disease and it is something I have lived with for almost 10 years now. Everyday I hope that it will go away. With the medication I take now it is a cyclical thing. Right now I am at the bottom of that cycle and it sucks. I can't think straight, I am weak, I feel depressed, I am angry, I just feel like crap and I am sick and tired of it.

Life

So I just found out it is likely my younger sister had a miscarriage. I think there were signs a week ago that there might be problems with her pregnancy but there was still hope things would improve. Now a test today shows something may not be right.

To top it all off they get to wait all weekend to go in for more tests on Monday to hopefully determine what is going on. They are on my heart. I can't imagine going through the roller coaster ride of emotions they have been on the past few weeks or months.

Dreaming of sitting in my tree

Despite the 90 degree weather today...I wait with eager anticipation.
Less than three weeks and I will be spending some time in my tree.
Truthfully, I have already visited three times with camera in tow.

I dream of the time ahead when I grab my gear and head to the woods.
The frosty mornings that are followed by the warmth of an October sunrise.
Hearing the hoot of an owl and honks of geese overhead.
Being part of the woods as it comes alive.
The scent of the woods triggers all kinds of memories.
Watching the sun set on an autumn sky.

Oh yeah, I will be there.
Drinking it all in with deep gulps.
Its my favorite time of the year.
The return of cooler weather.
Its a time to sit back and relax.
To dream...to think about what has been going on in life.

While it is called bow hunting, it is so much more than that to me.
I love the freshness, the crispness, the pureness.
I will be sucking it all in deeply come October 1st.
I enjoy the time spent with nephews and friends.
Sharing stories of what we have seen and heard.
Dreaming of getting a shot at the big one, but at the same time...
being content to sit back, relax, unwind and dream while sitting in my tree.

My Prayer

God,

Take this life, take this soul.
God come permeate my soul.
Father I want truth, love, and honesty to come from me everyday.
Out of my mouth, my eyes, my hands, my feet...out of every pore.
Do not let pride, self, the poser or the hoser come out and be a part of my life.
I give everything to you God.
Lord use me, lead me.
Come, come now God.
Show up, show up and do the awesome things you are capable of.

Until this time you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive and your joy will be complete. John 16:24

Mean it, believe it, live it.

Listen, Serve, Be Willing

I was going through my journal from my mission trip to New Zealand and reminiscing about what we did and what I learned. One entry has stayed in my head and has been sort of a prod as I look at who I am, who I want to be, and what kind of life do I want to live.

I think it all stemmed from a devotion we did with Ryan and Angele about Listen, Serve, Be Willing. This is what I wrote about it:

My simple definitions of these words are: listening to God, being willing to do whatever he asks, and serving him in all I do. Simple yet it seems so hard to do. I think the one that scares me the most is Be Willing. Am I willing to do whatever he asks? As I sit here on my leather couch my first thought is oh yeah I would do anything, but what if I am listening and I hear sell everything, sell that couch, pack everything you need and go to ... What will I do if I hear that? Probably pretend I didn't hear it or do the if you really mean it God show me a sign thing and after asking for 10 more signs I will probably still question my hearing abilities.

What does wholehearted devotion look like in my life. Is it leaving the life I know? Is it including God in everything I do? God knows all of my thoughts, motives, and actions. He has a front row seat into my heart and knows exactly why I do what I do.

I want to have eyes for others.